Nothing is ever what it seems
by RibbonblueLeaves
Summary: How can we belive in love, when we know were just going to get hurt. We belive in love because we think things will get better.
1. Chapter 1

Nothing is ever what it seems

Chapter 1

I am a guy like any other; I have not done anything quite special or heroic in my lifetime. Most of my time I have been letting myself flow into the river of life but not really adding my own rhythm.

Maybe I should start this differently, my name is Elijah Goldsworthy and I have been going to Degrassi for two years now. I am in the tenth grade and my best friends are Clare and Adam who are also in the same grade as I. Together the three of us make the misfits, we are all very different but it feels good when we're together because I'm able to be myself without any criticism. But I also have other friends which include Fitz, Bianca, and Owen. They're how do you say it…part of the same clique that I am in school. We all wear dark clothes and walk the Degrassi halls as if we are the shit.

Although Fitz, Bianca, and Owen do some crazy stuff, I find no joy in those games that they like to play. They have done drugs and lately formed an addiction to smoking. I've neglected them each time they've asked me to join them, you could say I'm as healthy as a horse. I'm vegetarian, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs and I watch my digestion of calories pretty closely. I do a great amount of exercise…if you're asking yourself why I try to keep myself so healthy, well it's because I want to grow old but not feeble with multiple diseases.

For now I think you've learned enough about me.


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot on the first chapter

_I do not own Degrassi or any other characters utilized in this story_

Chapter 2

I've done things that I am not proud of. Some have been the outcome of bottled anger, the lack of being loved, the desire to feel strong, the deception I was put through, and the agony I had to live because of what was my physical appearance.

Well first you should know that I came to my two best friends Clare and Adam before I came to Degrassi but I didn't become friends with Clare until the end of my first year at Degrassi. I met them in my middle school in the 8th grade; in that time Adam and I were overweight. I only hanged with the friends that belonged to my clique, which now in my mind sounds really naïve. Clare and Adam belonged to the group of book lovers which included Dave, Connor, Wesley, and Alli.

I don't know what made me start to hang out with them, I had my own life, my own friends, and my ravishing girlfriend Julia…wow…saying her name still hurts me today…she was my world. But besides that point I was missing something in my life and I believe that is what lead me to them. Adam and I hit it off from the first instant, he loved comics and I confessed that I solemnly did too. Clare was a whole different story, first she was too passive for my liking, second she looked at me as If I was a criminal, and third she behaved as if she knew everything. I didn't talk to Clare much of my 8th grade year; it was as if she was just a part of the background in my life.

I hate to say it but in the instant Clare and I met there was tension between us, we both disliked each other. I believe one of the top reasons was because I challenged Adam; I made him liberate himself from what everyone had enchained him to be. Dave which was the leader of the group seemed to have control over them; I have to say that he was a person I knew from the start I should not underestimate. Clare felt she was losing her friend Adam to a psychotic stranger but deep down I knew she was happy that he was free. Adam wanted to free Clare, he asked for my help but sincerely I didn't want to get to know her so I said no.

Degrassi was the start of change and believe me that change was very hard to endure.


	3. Chapter 3

_I do not own Degrassi or any other characters utilized in this story_

Chapter 3

High school is going to be a blast, I thought to myself as I entered Degrassi in hand with my girlfriend Julia. I looked over at her and smiled, I still couldn't believe she was mine. During the summer Adam and I had worked really hard, we had both lost about 20 pounds, for the first time I felt good when I looked at myself in the mirror.

"What are you thinking Eli?" Julia said as she scanned the school with curiosity.

"Nothing, just thinking" I replied as I began to shake my hair from my face.

I knew to myself that nothing could ruin the way I felt right now, the feeling to have Julia's fingers intertwined into mine was just right.

After the principal of Degrassi introduced himself to us we were finally able to get our schedules. My smile faded as I became aware when Julia and I compared our schedules that we had absolutely no classes together.

_**Bing...**_

"Uhhh that freaken bell" I moaned as Julia let go of my hand.

Julia became aware of why I was upset, and gave me a half smirk..._of course to master my smirk she'd have to try much harder._

She brought her lips millimeters from mine, my heart started to beat like a drum as I waited for her to brush them into mine. Suddenly I feel her warm lips on my cheek, she turns around and starts walking to her class which was Algebra, and I just stand their dumbfounded of what my girlfriend had just done.

Yup...nothing could ruin this year for me

As I entered my first class which was Honors English I noticed some familiar faces. At the front of the class on the left side Clare and Wesley were seated. They were babbling about a new book from what I could interpret, they turned to me and went quiet. I passed by them giving them one of my favourite smirks, as I sat next to some other kids at the right side of the class.

"Well, hello students. Welcome to Degrassi. Now all of you must be really sharp to have been placed in Honors English. My name is Mr. Benson and I'd like to get to know all of you better. So please get up, state your name, and something you like to do when I point to you." Mr. Benson said he tapped his pencil on a gray binder which I imagine held the role. He had a long face with prickling eyes that seemed could dismember you with one glare, and he wore some coffee colored pants with a red vest and a green tie.

Thanks to good fortune as Mr. Benson's eyes wandered the classroom they stopped on me, he pointed to my direction "The young man in the right" he said in a thick coated voice. I let out a silent groan to myself as I stood up from my chair.

"Umm my name is Elijah Goldsworthy but I prefer to be called Eli. In my free time I love to snog my girlfriend Julia" I said glaring at Mr. Benson and at the corner of my eye I actually saw Clare giggle at my response. Mr. Benson stared at me with anger, he was about to say something when he clenched his wrist and instead starting to look around for his next victim. "You in the blue flowered shirt!" he said pointing at Clare. Clare looked back hoping she wasn't who he was referring too. I laughed to myself as I thought who in the world would wear a blue shirt with yellow flowers..._only you Clare._ She finally realized there was no hope, and stood up from her seat but never leaving her face from the ground.

"Young lady, we would all like to see your face" Mr. Benson said in a harsh tone. I wasn't fond of Clare..._what am I saying the girl frustrated me with her saint behaviour_ but Mr. Benson had to chill, I mean she was trying.

Clare slowly lifted her head meeting Mr. Benson's gaze, she stumbled a bit with her first line" My...y name is Clare Edwards" she stopped grasping for air..._wow I couldn't believe it was possible to be this shy._"And my favourite thing to do in my spare time is write poetry" she said slowly lowering her head as she finished her sentence. She slumped her shoulders down and let herself fall into her chair. I saw Wesley pat her shoulder as Mr. Benson scanned the room for his next victim.

At lunch Fitz, Owen, and Bianca came over talking to me about the crazy adventures they had during the summer. I tried to focus on their conversation but I couldn't, Julia and I had agreed to meet in lunch and she was nowhere visible.

I felt a slight tap on my shoulder and locked eyes with Adam. "Hey" I said as I walked away from my crew, they didn't even notice they were enveloped in their summertime memories. "So how was summer I asked Adam?" as we headed to a table in the back of the cafeteria. "Well not so good, we went to the beach a lot, and well I didn't really enjoy it because of my situation" he said silently. Adam had told me about himself being a girl physically, but I didn't care because to me he would always be the wickedly cool Adam..._who's a guy_. Only a few people knew about Adam's condition, which was Clare, Wesley, Dave, Connor, and I.

"Oh" I replied not knowing really what to say.

"Well, where's your girlfriend man?" he said as he nudged me on the shoulder and gave me a smile. I looked around the cafeteria and replied "I wish I knew"

I stood watching the cars pass by, Julia and I had agreed to go to the Dot afterschool but since she ditched me in lunch maybe our plans had been cancelled. The wind moved my hair with its rhythm tic steps, I caught an eye of Adam walking home with Clare, he waved to me and I returned it but Clare never looked back once.

Suddenly I felt some hands cover my eyes, leading me into utter darkness.

"Guess who?" I knew that voice like the palm of my hand. I replied confidently "Julia" I felt her release her grasp on my face, and as the light welcomed me once again I felt the sharp burn of the sun's rays.

"Where were you in lunch?" I say in the gentlest voice I can make as I turn around.

"Oh about that" she says giving me a warm smile. "I was busy doing this" Julia whispers to my ear as she hands me a white paper. I open it and realize it's her class schedule and that we now have three classes together, math, history, and health. I look up to Julia to see her smiling with bright eyes; I wrap my arms around her waist and spin her in the air. I hear her giggle as I settle her down on the ground and then whisper into her ear "You're wonderful". We both enter Morty and drive away.

_**Hope you guys liked it, I m actually proud of this chapter...please review**_


	4. Chapter 4

_I do not own Degrassi or any other characters utilized in this story_

Nothing is ever what it seems

**Chapter 4**

5 months ago I was the happiest guy on Earth, while today I don't even have the strength to get out of bed…to even head to school. I keep telling myself that I'm going to wake up, that it's just a dream but the truth is that this nightmare I'm living is my reality.

Buzz…

I rub my eyes and open my phone; it's a text from Adam.

_Hey man…it's been a week already; you have to get your life together again. She's gone and you know that there wasn't anything you could do about it._

I knew Adam was right but I didn't want to accept this, it wasn't fair that she was just gone like that; all our plans had been ruined in a flash. I could feel the burn in my eyes, and they began to swell up with tears.

_Julia…Julia…Julia…_

I replied her name to myself hoping that with how much I needed her she'd comeback somehow but nothing happened, I was still stuck here in my room, hearing the noise of the refrigerator from across the hall, and with nothing but memories of Julia and I.

I stepped into my bathroom bare foot; the coldness of the floor was making my feet go numb. My eyes felt tired from all the tears, but I opened the faucet splashing water onto my face. The water between my fingers was nice and warm. I slowly lifted my head, looking straight into the mirror, I had bags under my eyes and they were swollen. My ebony black hair was messy and as I looked in the mirror all I could see was a stranger who had all the life sucked from his soul.

I don't remember how any of this even happened, one day I was smiling like the sun with Julia in my arms, we had made plans to go to the beach the following day, I think she had it all planned out.

Remembering to me is like taking each step I made that horrible day. I remember it was a sunny morning, as I stood up from my bed, I could hear the street cleaner making its way down my block. I took a quick shower, and put on some faded black shorts with a grey shirt that Julia had given to me last year. I made my way to the kitchen, placing in my backpack some fruit and some water bottles. The clock read 9:04 and I knew I had to start driving now; I didn't want to catch all the traffic when I took Julia to the beach.

Ultimately I was ready to go after finding a cap, and some sun block, as I went to Morty I realized…shit the keys. I sprinted back to the house, enjoying how light my legs felt as they hit and left the ground. Once I reached the door knob, I scattered all around searching for my keys. "Finally" I blurted out as I saw them on the counter and underneath lay Julia's sweater, I would have to return this to her. She'd left it in my car the other night when we had gone to the park I pulled it up to my nose, instantly recognizing the smell of apple cinnamon. I loved that smell; it brought all my senses alive just like Julia. With h the keys in my right hand and Julia's sweater in my left, I jotted down to Morty.

As I drove down the streets everything was as usual. The three ten year olds jumping rope on the sidewalk, the lady from the book store watering her plants. But on that turn I took toward Julia's home everything changed. From a far distance I was able to see the bright white and red lights of the ambulance. I was mesmerized by those shiny lights; they stung my eyes like nuclear acid. All of my five senses started to slowly fade; I kept driving not stepping on the brakes until Morty was meters away from Julia's home. I got out the car feeling numb, not having the strength to talk, I walked through the crowd of people, seeing their mouths move in oval and flat shapes but not being able to hear anything at all. I kept moving through the crowd, I didn't want to see the people, they were suffocating me, all I wanted was to see Julia's eyes.

I finally reached the surface; finally I was able to breathe from the suffocation of the school of fish. My eyes darted forward to a form that I at first could not identify, it lay in the ground covered in a white blanket, my eyes were glued on the image. I kept trying to believe that my eyes were deceiving me but the image would not go away.

I couldn't stand there for much longer; I broke past the school of fish again, this time not feeling suffocation because of them but because of what I had just witnessed.

Running, I was running, I don't know for how long. Around me were streets I didn't know. That frightened me so I kept running, never looking back, and the pain that I felt in my legs was horrible. Out of nowhere I saw Morty, in my mind I saw a flashback of Julia and I in Morty, we were laughing and just enjoying life at its fullest. Morty was now beside me, Julia's laugh was so smooth as it ran through my ears.

"Eli, man I've been looking for you everywhere" Adam said. In the flash of a moment, I realized Julia wasn't in the passenger seat, and that she was dead. Everything hit me so fast that I wasn't able to withstand the tears from invading my eyes. I fell on my knees and the tears began to stream down uncontrollably.

"Eli…come on you have to be strong" Adam said as he tugged my arm, trying to get me into Morty.

"…Strong… Adam, how can I be strong , when the love of my life is dead !" I screamed, letting myself loose from Adam's grip. My knees hit the cold concrete, I could feel them burn but I ravished the feeling, it took away some of the burns in my heart.

" Come on…Eli. Let's just get you home" Adam told me gently as he stretched his hand out to me. I knew he was right, that I should get home, my parents would be worried.

"Fine " I spit out as I entered Morty.

Inside me I felt like a total ass for behaving this way towards Adam but I just didn't want to see anyone, and I knew that Adam would make step into reality and I wasn't ready for that, I didn't want that.


	5. Chapter 5

_I do not own Degrassi or any other characters utilized in this story_

Nothing is ever what it seems

**Chapter 5**

**Eli**

That was how everything I ever had; I ever loved vanished between my fingers. It's so difficult now, without Julia it's as if I'm a tree without leaves, I no longer have any beauty to bloom in this world. I gently rub my face with soap; the bubbly sensation is heaven on my skin. In the mirror all I see is the most pathetic person…me

Wiping the water away with the towel I stepped into my room once again. The wood floor creaked as I walked; I let myself fall onto my bed and just stared at the ceiling for what felt like years. I began to remember the days before Julia's accident. I shook my head trying to make the thoughts disappear. I leaned over to my lamp stand, I picked up my cell phone and sent Adam a message.

_Hey you need a ride?_ I changed quickly into my grey skinny jeans when I heard my phone

Buzz…Buzz…Buzz

_You're up man…and is that a trick question? Of course I want a ride_

I pulled myself down stairs, my mother's eyes lit up when she saw me take a seat in the counter.

"Hey, you're up honey" she said as she placed a plate of French toast and a glass of milk on the counter. "Yeah, I'm up mom" I replied, taking my first bite from the crusty bread. I chewed on the bread repeatedly, it felt good, I hadn't eaten since all of yesterday. I guess an empty stomach does not help much when you already have pain internally.

As I drove down to Adam's house everything felt out of place, as I steered to my right it felt foreign and I realized how much I had drowned myself in sorrow. I was going to try to complete my courses but forget Julia…never…I would never forget her…never.

"Hey man, nice to finally get a glimpse of my friend" Adam said gasping for air, he had obviously been running. Probably from his evil headmaster.

"Yeah it's nice to see you too" I said to Adam, a smile then began to dangle in my lips and Adam sent me a grin.

Adam quickly got into Morty, I had many questions to ask, what had happened in school, how had the teachers reacted to my absences, and what had everyone been saying about the accident.

I glanced at Adam for a minute, "Don't worry all the teachers said you were excused, Mr. Simpson really has a nice heart, and well no one has said a word about…Julia."

My eyes went frigid after Adam said her name, I felt as if my chest was beginning to crumble, my fingers wrapped themselves furiously around the steering wheel. After that all talking went cold, it was partially my fault, I wouldn't really talk, and I knew how much Adam was trying but nothing was the same, and I was not going to pretend.

I parked Morty in the school parking lot and waved to Adam as he rushed to his first period, which was Art. Letting out a long sigh, I began to walk to Degrassi, it felt like hell. In the hallways I could feel every kid stare at me, they were like knives piercing into my skin. Finally, I stood in front of the door for English, I opened the door and headed to my seat very fast, trying to avoid eye contact but as I reached for my seat I became aware someone was seated there. The whole class was whispering things and I was helplessly trying to cut out my hearing to avoid the information.

"Eli…umm just sit next to Ms. Edwards for today, now that Mr. Connor is absent" Mr. Benson said trying to decipher my emotions.

I quickly nodded, and walked to my seat, everything felt so unreal but the thing was that this is my reality.


End file.
